The Best Thing Ever: #19 Continued

Remember when I said that the best thing ever is baking soda?

That fact became even more true today, when I found this:

And it was on sale for a dollar, too.

Baking soda wins forever.

What Happened Lately: Bananas, Umbrellas, and Guilt

Hi Folks.

It’s been a while.  Sorry.  Turns out that going to school full-time, working 40 hours a week, and have a 3-hour commute each day (round trip) is HARD.  I’m not complaining, because things are going well, but…holy guacamole.

Anyway, here are a few things that have happened since we last got together:

I accidentally ate a piece of BANANA CAKE.  It just looked like white cake with yellow frosting.  I put a bite in my mouth, gagged a little bit, threw it in the trash, and tried to forget the trauma.  I’m still not over it.  Bananas are the worst. 

I learned that umbrellas are mankind’s worst attempt at technology.  Here’s what happened to mine all in the span of one hour:

1.       The plastic protective shield that is supposed to keep your finger from getting pinched in the metal part (you know, the part you squeeze to collapse your umbrella) broke off.

2.       True to form, I squeezed the metal part to collapse the umbrella and it pinched off a sizeable chunk of my index finger.

3.       While I was walking along, gingerly cupping my hand to keep the blood from getting all over me, the top part of the umbrella broke off completely and went bouncing down the sidewalk.

It was cold and wet and windy, and I no longer wanted to live. 

Then I bought a new, better umbrella, and so far it hasn’t failed me.  But it’s only been, like, 6 days.  So we’ll see.

I’ve been giving my bedroom a makeover, including putting this on the wall:

It’s a little bit hippie for my taste, but I do like the warm colors.  They’re lovely in the colder weather.

It’s also been a big week for using online deals, for me.  I used my first Groupon and I tried GrubHub for the first time.  GrubHub?  Awesome.  You order food without having to talk to anyone on the phone.  Groupon?  Awesome, but also anxiety-inducing.  You want the deal, but you don’t want to go use it when 478 OTHER PEOPLE HAVE JUST BOUGHT IT.  How do the restaurants and places like that handle it? 

Anyway, I bought a mani-pedi combo on Groupon and then started freaking out because the Yelp! reviews weren’t great, but I had an okay experience.  My nails look better and I got a good hour or so of relaxing, even though I wasn’t completely relaxed because I always feel like I need to be helping my attendant.  I feel bad when they do your nails and then you can’t touch anything so they have to cart your purse and your coat and your stuff around for you.  And then your jeans are all rolled up and they come over and roll them back down for you before you leave, and you feel totally helpless, but also grateful because they just brushed some pristine polish on your nails and you don’t want to scratch it.

In the end, I love the final result of my mani-pedi, but it has done a number on my already solid guilt complex.

I Make Strong

I have begun taking kettlebell classes.  This is because I now work 40 hours a week and no longer have unlimited hours for leisurely exercise.  The first time I took a kettlebell class last week, I wanted to throw up, pass out, and rip my heart out of my chest because that might dull its pain.  But now I seem to have gotten used to the intensity and am starting to enjoy the extreme muscle-building.

And when I say extreme, I do mean extreme, because now I look like this:

It’s true.  I even started growing my first mustache.

I just wanted to give you all fair warning.

What They Call The Bathroom Here

People in Chicago (or maybe it’s the entire Midwest too, heck if I know) call public bathrooms “washrooms.”  I find this so refreshing and nice.  Really, the other words we have for this kind of place are a little incorrect.  Think about it—

Bathroom: unless you are a trucker at a Flying J, you do not take a bath in a public bathroom.  (If I am wrong on this, please don’t correct me, because I don’t want to know how you or anyone managed to take a bath at a gas station.)

Restroom: this is just funny.  I guess you can rest in there, but most people want to get out as quickly as possible.

Lavatory: I had a middle school teacher who insisted that everyone use this word.  But I don’t see it anywhere else except on airplanes.  Raise your hand if you say lavatory.  That’s what I thought.

Washroom is morphologically and technically correct and makes the whole business seem so clean and businesslike, and I applaud the good people of Chicago for using it.

By the way, I only bring all this up because at my job, the number one question that people ask me is, “Where is the bathroom/restroom/washroom?”  To which I say “Across the hall and to the left.”  And they say thank you.  And I get paid.  And it is a wonderful life.

Anyway, I am still wishing and hoping for someone to call it a “whiz palace.”

Unfortunately I couldn’t find the scene from Parks and Rec where Leslie says that, so here she is talking about bad dates:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xkuNNFxbiU&feature=related

(OK blog people, I'm at your mercy.  How do you get the video to show up, not just the link?  I'm at a loss.  Thank you and goodnight.)

Shopping and Friends-Making

Oh my god you guys!  Today I went shopping!  And it was like, so fun!  It was the funnest day ever!

Okay, it wasn’t the funnest, but it was fun.  I actually went out with people, people being my coworker and a friend of hers, which was a big deal because being social is a concept that usually makes me want to curl up and hide in bed with my Facebook and my Hulu Plus.  I am one of those awful Tech Generation people that old folks complain about: great at interacting behind the safety of the internet, then freezing up and being a weirdo in person.

Anyway!  You didn’t want to know that.  The point is that my two shopping buddies are really nice, outgoing ladies who put me right at ease, and we headed to DSW and Marshall’s and places like that for, I don’t know, a good seven hours.

Holy guacamole.  I am not a recreational shopper.  I don’t understand the appeal.  Today was a lot of fun, but I don’t shop for fun regularly.  It is exhausting! 

Also, here is where we went for lunch.  Mmm, I love Thai food. 

While we ate, we got to be entertained by the restaurant owner tacking a giant spider web on the wall, and attaching a several-feet-long-in-diameter stuffed tarantula to it.

We were also entertained by the bar hoppers running (literally running) past the windows in Halloween costumes, as part of a pub scavenger hunt.

When we walked out, they asked if any of us could turn our eyelids inside out.  That was one of the scavenger hunt items.

We had to disappoint them, however.

Later we got frozen yogurt at Red Mango, and wandered around a tiny mall on Clark Street until I collapsed on a chair and declared that I must go home. 

So, my first official foray in social life in Chicago was a success.  Next week, apparently, I’m going to a housewarming party.

I will keep you updated on how long it takes for me to wind up hyperventilating in the bathroom.

Taking Such Good Care of Myself

I’m dying of cholera over here (read: it’s a head cold) and therefore don’t have much energy or any experiences worth posting about, but I did want to share this picture of the box of crackers I was eating last night:

Do you see that?  “Natural flavor with other natural flavor”?

I feel so conscientious about the things I put into my body.