I'm not the only one who has one of these, right? The Lululemon tote that came with your $1.2 million purchase of one pair of yoga pants? Here's the thing: this is a nice tote bag. It's sturdy, and it's just the right size for my workout clothes and a water bottle.
But I'm a little ashamed of all the pithy sayings printed on this bag. So-called "inspirational quotes" usually inspire me to do little more than roll my eyes. Last year, a coworker passed around little badges that we could write an "inspiring word" on for a visual reminder at our desk, and I promptly wrote "FAIL" on mine, because EFF THAT NOISE.
And now, I take this little bag on the train to work with me, and I find myself wrapping my arms around it to keep all the inspiration from offending my co-riders. Maybe it doesn't matter--I see other women with this same damn bag all the time. Still! I need, in my small, simple way, to fight back a little bit. So, here are all the quotes on my tote bag, and my response to each.
"Friends are more important than money."
In what instance would I have to choose between my friends and my money? There's kind of a false dichotomy. Sure, I can see how maybe you don't want to work 80 hours a week and lose track of all your family and friends because you are too busy climbing the corporate ladder. But there are also many people who don't make nearly enough money at all, and yeah, they're gonna take that extra shift if it means being able to pay their bills. Their friends will understand--they better, if they're decent friends at all. And for those of us kind of in the middle...I don't know what to tell you. I can't think of a single instance in which I actually had to prioritize one over the other. This makes no sense.
"Don't trust that an old age pension will be sufficient."
Sufficient for WHAT? You just told me to value my friends over my money and now you're telling me that none of it matters anyway, we're all going to die broke and alone?
"Sunscreen absorbed into the skin might be worse for you than sunshine. Get the right amount of sunshine."
NOOOO. We have strayed away from inspiration directly into bad science. Do not believe this hocus-pocus. Wear your damn sunscreen. My god, for a company that's purportedly all about health, this is horrifying. On that note...
"Write down two personal, two business and two health goals for the next 1, 5 and 10 years. Do this four times a year. Goal setting triggers your subconscious computer."
I don't know what it means when someone tells me to trigger my subconscious computer. Also, based on Lululemon's track record, I would assume a health goal is essentially "be skinny enough to keep wearing Lululemon clothes."
"Creativity is maximized when you are living in the moment."
Boring and cliche. Also untrue for most people.
"Visualize your eventual demise. It can have an amazing effect on how you live in the moment."
The thing that gets me here is the word "demise." Not "death," which leads me to imagine being very old and slipping away quietly in my comfortable old-lady canopy bed, but "demise," which makes me think I'm going to get run over by a bulldozer. Also, why is Lululemon so obsessed with mortality?
"A daily hit of athletic-induced endorphins gives you the power to make better decisions, helps you be at peace with yourself, and offsets stress."
I was okay with this one at first, but "athletic-induced" is giving me hives.
"Effectiveness is predicated by replacing the words "wish", "should" and "try" with "I will."
Ugh, so many things. First: EFFECTIVENESS? PREDICATED? Whose stuffy boardroom are we in? Also, I left that typo after "wish" there because that's literally what's printed on the bag. Commas go INSIDE the quotation marks, people. Even in Canada!
There are others, but most of them are cut off on one end so that you don't get the full quote, leading to tantalizing bits such as "...orgasm of life." For real.
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