Things not to talk about #43: how and what I'm eating.

Let's set a simple little rule, everyone. It's easy to remember, it's easy to stick to. I'll even spell it out and add explanations. Here it is:

Unless the thing you are saying is completely positive or completely neutral, please don't comment on what I'm eating, or what it must say about me. 

Here are the things you may say about my lunch: "That looks good!" "That smells delicious!" "How's your sandwich?" And variations thereof.

Here are the things you may not say: 

"Oooh, being good, are we?" When I am having a salad or otherwise "healthy" lunch.

"I wish I could eat that!" I guess this is alright if you have a medically diagnosed food allergy and are sincerely sad that you can't partake in my gluten-based pasta or whatever, but not in any other case. 

"Is that tofu? Ugh, I HATE tofu. Disgusting." Bro, we don't have to like the same foods, but don't gag at me. It's rude.

"That'll go straight to your thighs!" Okay, thanks! I'm just going to sit here and suddenly feel shitty about this burger that one second ago I was really enjoying.

"TWO sandwiches?! That's so much! Where do you keep it?" This was literally said to my best friend in regards to her PB&J lunch recently. For what it's worth, my friend is a petite woman, but it honestly doesn't matter. You can't just go around saying things like this.

Okay, so here are the reasons why.

Food is a HUGE source of shame for a lot of people. Women in particular. We are pretty much taught that eating anything for the simple sake of pleasure is a bad thing--which, of course, is where you get phrases like "sinful brownies." If you have dessert with your dinner or you choose the fries instead of the side salad, you probably do so with a certain amount of guilt. I know I do! It's a delightful part of being a woman in a society where food is plentiful and usually rich. Welcome to shoveling food into your mouth and feeling really bad about all of it!

If you're saying nasty (even subtly nasty) things to people about what they eat, you're part of the problem.

Here's the other thing: it doesn't matter who you're saying these hurtful things to, or even if you think you're complimenting someone (which is a whole other issue I'll get to in a second). It doesn't matter. Because you never know what's going on with someone.

As far as my friend's experience from earlier, I'm going to guess--because I know her life--that she felt like having two PB&J sandwiches, so that's what she made. But there could have been a hundred reasons. Maybe she's getting over an illness and needs the extra energy. Maybe she's training for an athletic event and is burning a zillion calories. Maybe her doctor wants her to gain weight. Or, again, MAYBE SHE JUST FELT LIKE TWO SANDWICHES.

You don't know and it's none of your business.

And stop it with the backhanded compliments towards skinny women. The following are no longer allowed:

"Oh, I wish I could eat like you!" No one's stopping you, as far as I can tell. Do what you want.

"I hate how skinny you are!" How do people think this is okay to say?

"What, do you have an eating disorder or something? Haha, you must be bulimic!" Honestly, so many people deal with some type of disordered eating that you could easily be right on this last one. Not because skinny people always have eating disorders, but because it's an epidemic, for people of every size.

Thin people are put on a pedestal of sorts, to the point where some think it's perfectly okay to give them shit for their body type, out of some kind of misguided envy. But that really needs to stop.

I also want to point out that none of what I have said so far is different when it comes to anyone who is actively working on losing weight or getting healthier or anything like that. The same rules apply. If your coworker has told you that he's trying to shed a few pounds, don't read the label on his container of full-fat yogurt and be like "Hmmm, cheating today, huh?" You. Don't. Know. For one thing, maybe that's something he fully allows himself on whatever diet plan he's doing, and for another thing you are not the diet police and your coworker is an adult who can take care of himself.

Everybody just shut up already.