MAN TOWN: And Other Holiday Suggestions

I think most of us would agree that in general, gift-buying is easier when you’re shopping for a woman than for a man, yes?  Even for the woman you’re clueless about, gift-wise, you can generally do well with a pair of earrings or a cute little trinket.  But for dudes?  It’s hard to come up with a one-size-fits-nearly-all gift for dudes.  There aren’t even enough men who wear ties regularly to make that a reliable fallback.

Apparently, Yankee Candle Company noticed that too, and has come out with a new line of candles with man-friendly scents, including the following:

“2x4”: smells like sawdust.

“First Down”: smells like a leather couch.

“Riding Mower”: smells like grass.  The kind on your front lawn, obvs.

And, my personal favorite, “Man Town,” which smells like men’s deodorant and is good for a few hours of saying “MAN TOWN!” in your best manly voice and making your friends laugh.  Seriously, Man Town?  What happens in Man Town?  I bet all the dudes go around mowing their lawns, and then they play football on their freshly mown lawns, and then they go hit things in their woodsheds and then they go sit in their dens and smell the sweet smell of a deodorant candle.  Because that’s what men do.

Bring it, world.  I WILL MOW YOU.

Anyhow, I’m glad that the candle industry is accepting the fact that dudes like to smell things, too, but their attempts to market accordingly are limited thus far.  I have a few suggestions:

“Joystick”: smells like rubber, plastic, and thumbprints.

“Wrench”: smells like a hardware store.

“Taxidermy”: smells like pure animal.

“Blazer”: smells like elbow patches and success.

“Snowshoe”: smells like winter with a hint of wolf pee.

“Moustache”: smells like whatever you had for breakfast.
"Middle Management": smells like starch and disappointment.

“Sausage”: speaks for itself.

You’re welcome.  Give me a call, Yankee Candle Co., I could do this all day.