Restaurant Words

Have you ever noticed that the fancier the restaurant is, the number of words in the menu gets lower and lower?  It's like they know they don't have to prove anything to anyone, because you know whatever you get is going to be spectacular, so all the items are like "charcuterie" and "paella," no explanation.  Maybe they'll throw in a couple of the sub-ingredients, like "vidalia onion glaze," but that's it.  And then the price is just a number: 28.

Whereas when you go to Shoney's or TGI Friday's, they really have to sell that crap to you, so they have to use words like "sizzlin'" and "ooze."

The Best Thing Ever: #27

Here is what I saw last night:

A restaurant with live music.

The live music was an old man.

The old man was dressed in a business casual grandfather sort of way, in pressed khaki slacks and a short-sleeved button-down shirt.

The old man was playing the marimba.

By “playing the marimba,” I mean hitting it sporadically, not necessarily creating any sort of melody or rhythm.

The old man was also singing what I can only describe as a “sailor song,” meaning that it had kind of that yo-ho-ho quality to it.

The man’s voice was rather high and warbled.

The restaurant patrons did not look like they were loving the music.

And that is why this was the best thing ever: it made my day.