How to Run Your First 5K

      1.       Join a running club.  Doesn’t matter how big or important it is, just join a running club     so that you’ll actually feel obligated to run.

2.       Spend an obscene amount of money on fancy sports bras.

3.       Start running.  Become somewhat preoccupied with the thought of running when you’re at work, at school, wherever.  Google “mile splits” so that you can understand what everyone else is talking about.

4.       Start feeling superior over non-runners because OH GEE, YOU CAN RUN TWO MILES.

5.       Donate your old pants to charity because they start being all loose and mom jean-looking.

6.       Start feeling superior over non-runners because OH GEE, NOW YOU CAN RUN THREE MILES!

7.       Sign up for a 5K.

8.       Look down your nose at anything cotton.

9.       Run five miles on a whim and consider yourself the champion of the world.

10.   On race day, get up obscenely early.  Eat four Twizzlers for breakfast.  Drastically miscalculate how long it will take you to get to the race location.  Stand around when you get there, awkwardly waiting for the race to start. 

11.   When you cross the start line, run like hell for 3.1 miles.  Feel superior over the people in their vehicles who have to wait for ten minutes at an intersection so that you and everyone else can run past.

12.   Do a decidedly mediocre job at finishing.  Gorge yourself on pizza at 9:00 in the morning.  Decide that you are once again the champion of the world and you can’t wait to do it all over again.

Look Ma, I runnededed!!!