A review of Give Me Everything You Have: On Being Stalked

 

When I see James Lasdun, the author of Give Me Everything You Have: On Being Stalked, in my mind’s eye, the image that comes to mind is actually that of singer-songwriter James Taylor.  You know the one: he’s the original soft-spoken, white-tee-shirt-wearing, acoustic-guitar-playing, almost-apologetic musician.  Your mom probably loves him.  He’s that kind of guy.  And that’s how Lasdun comes across in his memoir.  He’s overwhelmingly modest, a guy who’s happy to write his books, teach creative writing, and spend time with his family.  A sweet, unassuming soul.  

Perhaps it’s that very characteristic that, in part, led to Lasdun’s role into a haunting, years-long cyberstalking case.  Quick summary: two years after having her in a writing workshop, Lasdun gets an email from a former student, asking him to read some of her new work.  He agrees, somewhat reluctantly, and the two strike up a pleasant correspondence over the next several months.  The former student is often flirtatious, which is worrisome, but Lasdun makes it clear to her that he’s happily married and that sort of thing isn’t welcome.  At first, the former student backs off, but things escalate.  Lasdun receives several emails from her per day, some of them rambling, some sweet, some apologetic, some outright hostile.  She evens refers to herself at one point as a “verbal terrorist.”

As more and more people get roped into this (the former student emails several of Lasdun’s colleagues, denouncing him, accusing him of stealing her work), Lasdun has no choice but to bring up the situation whenever he takes on a new job.  This woman posts insane comments to his articles online, messes with his Wikipedia page, leaves hostile reviews of his work all over the Internet—leaving our hero with a mound of anxiety over his reputation and his career, not to mention his personal well-being.  

At some point in those first 70 pages or so (Lasdun jumps right into the story, with barely any prelude, which I appreciate), as you watch things get slowly more and more creepy, you may start to wonder: Isn’t he going to do anything about it?  

A few points on that: one, yes, he does eventually do something about it.  A detective gets involved.  So does the local police station.  But the authorities are of little help in the end.  The saga begins in 2006, after all, when cyberbullying was only beginning to be seen as a legitimate threat.

The second point: Lasdun is a trusting, affable fellow who wants to give his former student the benefit of the doubt, and everything screams “too late!” once he realizes that this is a much bigger problem than he’d anticipated.  This woman is pleasant and intelligent in the beginning—if just a little too friendly—and our hero is easily charmed by her.  He lives in a quiet, remote area of New York State, and although he’s accomplished in his field, he isn’t particularly well-known.  The attentions of a bright fellow writer are, understandably, refreshing and fun at first.

The third point: in the light of the recent Steubenville rapes, and all the talk afterwards about rape culture and victim shaming/victim blaming, it’s uncomfortable for me to think Why didn’t he do x, y, and z, because it doesn’t matter—it’s not his fault.  So I want to point out the difference between “How could he be such an idiot and let this happen to him?” and “Why didn’t he, you know, delete his email address when things got weird?”

That was the main thing that bothered me throughout—the apparent lack of retaliation on the part of Lasdun—and the only reasonable answer I could come up with was that it’s probably a good thing to have a record of what your stalker is saying, just in case any of it can be used as proof of criminal intent.  

What makes this story different from your average stalking tale is Lasdun’s hyper-awareness of himself.  He’s a smart man and a poet, so he’s inclined to look beyond what’s happening on the surface and see its literary and historical implications.  (Also, if you’re not particularly well-versed in the life of D.H. Lawrence, medieval literature, or the Israeli/Palestinian conflicts, there are several sections of this book that may or may not elude you.)

In the end, there is no end.  When this book was published the emails were still coming in; Give Me Everything You Have, it seems, is not a reflection about something that happened and is no longer happening, but simply an attempt for the author to gain control of his life again.  Because that’s what stalking is about.  That’s what any form of harassment or abuse is about: power and control over another person.  

This book is quiet, inquisitive, beautifully told, and terrifying.  Read it.  And be careful out there.